A Love Life Told In Lyrics
by embracing-shadows
Summary: There is a time that neither of them will ever forget, a time when they experienced a love life told in lyrics.


Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!

* * *

"I'm glad you finally agreed to go out with me!" Nick winced at the cheerful voice of the woman sitting in his passenger seat. "I guess it was just a matter of time right? We were inevitable from the start!" Nick winced again and stole a sideways glance. She was a nice girl: good looking, good manners, good brains. He had only one stipulation. She wasn't Greg. He and Greg had dated for two years, only to end messily about four months ago. Nick had left, tired of Greg pressuring him to come out to their friends, and they hadn't spoken about it since. Actually, they hadn't really spoken much at all. So that was how he came to be here, sitting beside a lovely black haired girl that had been asking him out every week for as long as he could remember. He'd agreed to the invitation only as a means of trying to forget his ex-boyfriend.

"Turn just up ahead, we're almost there." Her voice broke in to his thoughts and he obediently steered the truck left where she had indicated. He had let her choose the spot for their first date, and had been a little surprised at the originality of her suggestion. Apparently one of her good friends was to be the act in a posh restaurant that always hired live entertainment. She had warned Nick that her friend was gay, and that the restaurant was gay friendly, but he assured her – while hiding a smile – that homosexuality did not offend him. She insisted that he was going to love the music. Nick had already heard the story three times about how this friend of hers had just started doing this a little while ago but was already so natural in the spotlight, but as she started it up again he let her go on anyway. He allowed himself to drift off in to his thoughts, only coming out to receive directions.

Where they eventually ended up was quite a ways from all of the places Nick traditionally considered for dates. The building was sheathed in black marble, practically screaming 'we have lots of money'. The entrance was covered with a dark red awning inscribed with the name of the restaurant, and underneath the pathway was paved and swept clean. Nick suddenly felt glad that he had worn his black tie instead of the funny patterned one Greg had once bought him. He opened the truck door for his date, Nancy, and shut it after she had gotten out. Then he offered her his arm and they strolled inside together. He resisted the urge to sigh when she laid an unnecessary hand on his arm; no sparks flew and no warmth blossomed under her touch. She was just another woman, just another face with a name that he could forget so easily. He looked over at her, with her clear blue eyes, and couldn't decide whether to bolt away or walk faster towards the entrance.

Once inside, he stopped to let his eyes adjust to the lower lighting, a little bit more impressed by the décor than he thought he would be. Of course there were only tables for two to four people, intimate little business parties or couples in love filling most of them. Each table was covered by crisp crimson cloth, adorned by a single rose in a crystal vase. That made him roll his eyes because, really, how cliché could they be? Nancy pulled on his arm and he moved forward again, realizing he had just been standing there critiquing the location of the first date he'd been on in over two years. He followed her to a table right against the far wall, close to the stage where the piano sat, but still separated by a good few tables. A waiter appeared almost immediately and took their drink orders, disappearing almost as suddenly as he had shown up. Nick shifted in his seat uncomfortably as he waited for Nancy to start up a conversation. She was giving him a funny look, a look he didn't really understand.

"You just got out of a long relationship, right?" she asked. Nick could feel his back and shoulders tensing out of reflex, like they did every time someone alluded to Greg directly. But he forced himself to relax and he replied only with a curious nod. Nancy smiled a little and waved her hand around with no direction for it. "So did Sunny," she declared strangely, and it threw Nick off a bit. He cleared his throat.

"Sunny?" he asked, knitting his brows in confusion. She gave a small tinkling laugh, one that should have endeared him to her. But the only thing he could think was that it reminded him of a child, and why did he always go for people so much younger than him?

"Well that's not his real name," Nancy divulged, her hand waving at the still empty stage this time. "But that's what I've always called him." She didn't share what his real name was, and Nick didn't ask. He wasn't truly all that interested. All he wanted to do right now was make a big effort to find something in this woman that piqued his interest. There was a time when just the sight of a nicely rounded chest could set his engines steaming full speed ahead, but even though he deliberately stared when she wasn't paying attention, he couldn't find it in himself to be turned on. He wanted to, if for nothing else than to move on. But her body just didn't call to his in any way other than a friend, and Nick was starting to worry about how to tell her that the date just hadn't gone as well for him as it had for her.

As his partner chattered on, not seemingly aware that he wasn't holding up his end of the conversation, Nick swept his eyes around the room, squinting in to the darkness to get a good look at who else was there. There was no one that he knew, but then he rarely saw people he knew when he went out. As he had been warned, there were a few same sex couples sitting scattered around. Some were holding hands across the table, some were leaning in close, and some were even so bold as to lean in to kiss in public. Nick wondered if they were happy; if their parents had accepted them as easily as they had accepted themselves. He'd never told his parents that he enjoyed a man's company as much as a woman's, and he shuddered to think of how they would react to finding out. They were the original good old Texan's; god-fearing, cowboy boot wearing, tip your hat on the way out the door Texan's. And that wasn't mentioning his bible thumping siblings. What would any of them say?

It was right then that Nancy actually managed to capture his attention with a brilliant smile and an insistent gesture over towards the head of the room. The grand piano there was sleek and black; beautiful even to those who didn't appreciate it's music. It was set in the direct center of the short dais and sat in the middle of a single soft spotlight. The maitre d' stepped out from behind a thick crimson curtain as Nick looked over, and he smiled out in to his restaurant, surveying the patrons and judging whether they were satisfied or not with the service they were so far provided. Nick looked down at the steak he had barely noticed arriving and shrugged. Satisfied. Sure. He looked up again as the maitre d' spoke in to a portable mic, startling in the hushed atmosphere of the room.

"Ladies and gentlemen may I interrupt your meals for a brief moment. I would like to introduce your entertainment for the evening. May I present the skilled fingers and the melodious voice of Gregory Sanders." He smiled and gestured towards the curtain, and Nick couldn't stop his jaw from dropping as, as announced, Greg Sanders stepped out to stand beside the man who had introduced him. He had no smug smirk, no indulgent smile. In fact he had no expression at all really, except a patient look in his eyes that said he'd really like to get to his piano now. The maitre d' nodded to him and stepped away, and Greg bowed shortly to the smattering of applause his introduction garnered. Nancy leaned across the table to Nick, who just barely managed to clamp his jaw shut before she noticed.

"He's not very well known now, but someday people will scream to hear his name!" Her voice carried that feminine gushing quality that all girls come equipped with, and Nick found himself filled with the sudden urge to tell her to just shut the hell up so he could gawk at his ex-boyfriend. Greg settled in to his seat and flexed his fingers. He cleared his throat and Nick became away that there was a microphone almost right in front of his lips, its volume turned down low so as not to disturb the murmuring atmosphere.

"Thank you. I'd like to dedicate this set to someone that I still hold close to my heart." His voice was soft and almost delicate, something Nick had never heard from him before. Nancy sighed across the table from him, and he could see her out of the corner of his eye, shaking her head.

"He's still hung up on that old boyfriend of his. Two years they were going out then this guy dumps him like yesterday's trash. And you know what gets me? Sunny still defends this guy! Still won't say his name out loud! Says he loves him too much to hate him for what he did. Isn't that just the far end?" She snorted indelicately, and Nick tuned her out, focusing instead on the stage as Greg placed his fingers gently on the keys and informed the crowd that he was going to start with something a little bit quick. In moments they were flying about, exuding a fast paced melody that sounded vaguely familiar. It wasn't a traditional classical song, but the acoustic version of a current radio hit. Greg didn't even have to lean forward to reach the microphone, so when he picked up around the fourth bar his words reached Nick clearly.

_Hey you surround me like a blanket in my bed  
The look in your eyes has stayed inside me  
In my head  
Outside its snowing its odd for this time of year  
Your light through the darkness  
Getting smaller, oh I fear, yeah_

_Love, love pulled us down in the gutter  
Can you see us getting out oh I wonder  
It's a long long lonely fight down inside me  
Can I get you to bring back light or is this never again_

_Hey you're my weakness  
Still my lover in my mind  
And you still control me  
Summer I put you so high  
Oh hey did you forget you could never get enough  
Well I'll always love you  
No matter how far you run_

_Love, love pulled us down in the gutter  
Can you see us getting out oh I wonder  
It's a long long lonely fight down inside me  
Can I get you to bring back light or is this never again_

_There is a lover down inside  
All of our gates that we cant protect forever cause  
He's sucking at the air from our lips  
I felt him tremble when  
I first picked you up driving honey  
We drove for hours I remember  
When I first let him kiss  
You and your mouth the taste of love  
If filled me up to the tips  
I couldn't sleep for weeks and  
Fevered at one hundred and six_

_You surround me like a blanket in my bed_

_Love, love pulled us down in the gutter  
Can you see us getting out oh I wonder  
It's a long long lonely fight down inside me  
Can I get you to bring back light or is this never again_

_Love, love pulled us down in the gutter  
Can you see us getting out oh I wonder  
It's a long long lonely fight down inside me  
Can I get you to bring back light or is this never again_

A light applause broke Nick from the trance that the words of the song had created for him. He'd heard the song before of course, could even sing along to brief parts of it. But never before had he listened that hard, discerning every lyric and analyzing how it could pertain to the situation between him and the man who had just sang them. He found that for a moment it was difficult to draw a breath, and he wondered what Greg might do if he turned and saw that Nick was there watching him. He sat up on the stage, content in his sorrow and the thought that the Texan was nowhere close to him. Thinking he was alone in the world with no one near that knew him, he allowed his fingers to fall back from the keys for a brief moment and he took a deep breath.

Nancy barely lowered the volume of her girlish squeal, reminding Nick that she had said she knew the man playing tonight, which meant that she knew Greg. He turned his head to stare at her, safe because she was grinning up at the still oblivious man on the stage. Somehow she knew Greg, and knew that he was gay. And she was ok with that, supported that, was indignant when another man hurt him. Nick stopped that line of thought, because he remembered her words on how Greg wasn't over him. Loved him too much to hate him for what he had done. He tried not to continue thinking about that because then he would have to think about what exactly it was that he had done. But it was too late, and Nick was already thinking about it.

Stepping back and looking at it from a third person's point of view, he winced, because suddenly all of his excuses and reasons seemed a little thin and weak. He'd forced Greg in to a life of shadows and lies. Crushed any hopes he might have of celebrating their love, and doused any flames that might have flared in his hopes for the future. Because really, what future could they ever have really had when Nick wouldn't even tell their friends that they were together? And through all that, even _after_ all of that, Greg still respected his choices. Nancy couldn't have any idea that the one she was so mad at was sitting across the small table from her, shrinking in on himself in the dim light. She couldn't know that she was creating an awkward sort of out of body experience for her date, showing him what it was like to see the situation from her perspective.

Greg's breath in the speaker turned Nick's head back towards the stage, and his ears strained to catch every word as Greg murmured to a crowd, knowing that the majority wasn't paying him any attention at all. His words were only to let them know that the next number was a bit slower, but Nick treasured them, only now realizing how he had missed hearing them. What was worth not listening to that voice whisper to him in the darkness? What could possibly be more important than those eyes, those hands, that heart, that soul? Nick lowered his head, but forced himself to listen to the next song. He'd forgotten how nice Greg's voice was, and how much he loved to sing, and Nick made sure to pay attention to the words.

_It never crossed my mind at all  
That's what I tell myself  
What we had has come and gone  
You're better off with someone else  
It's for the best, I know it is  
But I see you  
Sometimes I try to hide  
What I feel inside_

_And I turn around  
You're with him now  
I just can't figure it out_

_Tell me why  
You're so hard to forget  
Don't remind me  
I'm not over it  
Tell me why  
I can't seem to face the truth  
I'm just a little too not over you  
Not over you_

_Memories  
Supposed to fade  
What's wrong with my heart?  
Shake it off, let it go  
Didn't think it be this hard  
Should be strong  
Moving on  
But I see you  
Sometimes I try to hide  
What I feel inside_

_And I turn around  
You're with him now  
I just can't figure it out_

_Tell me why  
You're so hard to forget  
Don't remind me  
I'm not over it  
Tell me why  
I can't seem to face the truth  
I'm just a little too not over you_

_Maybe I regret  
Everything I said  
No way to take it all back, yeah  
Now I'm on my own  
How I let you go  
I'll never understand  
I'll never understand, yeah  
_

_Tell me why  
You're so hard to forget  
Don't remind me  
I'm not over it  
Tell me why  
I can't seem to face the truth  
I'm just a little too not over you_

_Tell me why  
You're so hard to forget  
Don't remind me  
I'm not over it  
Tell me why  
I can't seem to face the truth  
And I really don't know what to do_

_I'm just a little too not over you  
Not over you_

Nancy looked back over to him with a great wide smile, and Nick had to quickly remind himself to smile for her benefit. It wasn't until she had turned back around that he wondered why he was bothering to do that. Why was he hiding who he was, who they had been together? Why he had even bothered to hide in the first place was quickly becoming fuzzy inside his mind, buried under every 'good' reason Greg had ever shot down and disproved. He looked down at the dinner he had yet to take a bite out of. It was a colossal waste of money, but it was so worth it to discover this revelation about the way he could be living his life. He'd spent so much time worrying about what other people would think, and here he was sitting in a restaurant that Nancy had told him was gay friendly. Hadn't Greg been trying to tell him all along that they weren't exactly alone in the world?

How blind and deaf and dumb. How stupid and ignorant and pigheaded. How idiotic he could be when he really set his stubborn mind to it. Greg had tried time and again to show him everything they could be and he had ignored him, not wanting to come out of his selfish little comfort zone. He had dragged Greg right inside of that comfort zone and locked him inside of it with no room for escape. Why was it taking this kind of stupid melodramatic scene to finally knock some sense in to him? He was supposed to be caring and compassionate, and yet he'd done nothing but hurt the only one he'd ever truly loved. On the stage Greg flexed his hands again, lacing the fingers together and pressing outwards to keep any possible impending kinks away. Nick followed the movement of those hands, thinking only of how he wished to hold them in his own again.

While he had never exactly denied that he missed Greg, he'd never let himself admit it, never even let himself come close to considering it. With no one to ask him how he had felt since they had broken up, he'd been content to lock everything away inside his heart and never look inside again. Apparently that hadn't worked as well as he had thought it would, but truth be told he wasn't upset about that. Being with Greg had been the happiest he had ever been, and he wasn't afraid to admit that to himself. What he _was_ afraid of was how hard it as for him to admit it to _other_ people. It shouldn't be this hard; he shouldn't be this cowardly.

As Greg announced that the next song was the second last in his short set, Nancy leaned farther forward in her seat, sitting right on the edge as if she could be effectively closer to his music that way. Nick looked down and noticed that, unlike him being too distracted to even think of food, she'd somehow found the time to eat away her entire meal without him even noticing. He was too wrapped up in Greg. She appeared to be as well, until she curved her body back towards Nick to whisper across the tabletop.

"This one is my favorite. The next is Sunny's favorite, but I think this one here should be the feature song." She nodded superiorly as if he had already agreed and turned away without actually waiting for his response. Nick didn't even try to come up with one, not really caring any more about her opinion. He just tuned in to the music once more, mildly surprised to find that he was dying to see what would come next. It was simply amazing how beautiful the previous two songs had turned out. The third song was a simple sad melody, somehow even more beautiful than the others.

_You breathed infinity into my world  
And time was lost up in a cloud and in a whirl  
We dug a hole in the cool gray earth and lay there for the night  
Then you said, "wait for me we'll fly the wind  
We'll grow old and you'll be stronger without him"__  
But oh, now my world is at your feet  
I was lost and I was found  
But I was alive and now I've drowned  
So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song  
So they can tell me I was wrong..._

_But they weren't there beneath your stare  
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare  
Of any bindings from the world outside that room  
And they weren't taken by the hand  
And led through fields of naked land  
Where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...  
So I couldn't say "no"_

_You sighed and I was lost in you, weeks could've past for all I knew  
__You were the blanket of the over-world and so I couldn't say  
__I wouldn't say "no"  
But they all said, "You're too young to even know  
Just don't let it grow and you'll be stronger without him"__  
But oh, now my world is at your feet  
I was lost and I was found  
But I was alive and now I've drowned  
So now I will be waiting for the world to hear my song  
So they can tell me I was wrong..._

_But they weren't there beneath your stare,  
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare  
Of any bindings from the world outside that room__  
And they weren't taken by the hand  
And led through fields of naked land  
Where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...  
_

_But they weren't there beneath your stare,  
And they weren't stripped 'till they were bare  
Of any bindings from the world outside that room __  
And they weren't taken by the hand  
And led through fields of naked land  
Where any pre-conceived ideas were blown away...  
So I couldn't say "no"._

Nick had never heard this one before, but he found himself in awe of its beauty. He also found himself stunned that he had found yet another subtle facet of the man he could admit to still being in love with. He watched Greg sit back and take a deep gulp from a glass of water that Nick hadn't even notice was sitting on top of the grand piano. A closer look showed that a thin coaster was situated right in front of where Greg sat. Nick followed the movement of the bobbing Adam's apple and he swallowed along with it, not sure why, but feeling compelled to imitate the action.

Nancy was buzzing in his ear about why that song had been her favorite, but he wasn't listening to her. He would be surprised if he could ever even look her in the face again, knowing that he had taken her out only to try and get over Greg and that he had ended up only being reminded of his love for Greg. How funny the world was, and how ironic this whole night had turned out to be. He had come here thinking that maybe if he could force himself to fall in love with this woman that he could lead the happy normal life that everyone else already believed he would. Now he would be leaving here knowing that he'd already had a happy life in his grasp, and that he had let it all slip away for reasons that didn't even make sense in his own mind now.

Sure, being afraid of what his family would think was legitimate, but was it really fair to make himself miserable for the rest of his life just to keep them happy? Was it really fair that he had to hide a part of himself to be accepted by the ones that were supposed to love him no matter what? No longer convinced of that, he sighed deeply. He didn't even try to hide it from the woman he was with, and he didn't bother to answer her questioning look either. He had made mistakes; he could see that now. It hadn't been Greg holding their relationship back, it had been Greg holding their relationship together. In truth Nick was the one that had been stalling any progress they could have made.

It took a few moments for Nick's distracted mind to realize that Greg, in his momentary pause between songs, was sweeping his eyes over the crowd, seemingly searching for someone. And it took another moment for him to realize that he was sitting with the very person that Greg must be searching for. Just as he froze in slight fear, his shoulders tensing like they never had before, Greg spotted him. Whatever reaction he had expected, he didn't get. Greg stared as if not sure that what he was seeing was real. But he looked at the other side of the table and caught sight of Nancy, waving enthusiastically, and his eyes widened only the slightest bit. He switched his gaze between the two of them a few times before his eyes narrowed back down and he turned away without any further reaction.

Nick gulped in air as if he had been denied it for years, unsure of what he had expected Greg to do. Throw a tantrum? Start crying? No, because that would reveal exactly what had been between the two of them, and as he had been told Greg was still protecting him, even though he had never deserved it. Unaware of Nick's newfound revelations, Greg kept his thought to himself and informed the crowd through the speaker that this was his last song of the night, and he hoped they had enjoyed his performance. Nick swallowed hard, and then Greg started singing, and he found that he couldn't really swallow past the sudden lump in his throat.

_I don't know what I've done  
Or if I like what I've begun  
But something told me to run  
And honey you know me it's all or none_

_There were sounds in my head  
Little voices whispering  
That I should go and this should end  
Oh and I found myself listening_

_'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
'Cause she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood_

_See I thought love was black and white  
That it was wrong or it was right  
But you ain't leaving without a fight  
And I think I am just as torn inside_

_'Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
'Cause she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood_

_And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call  
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all  
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you  
This is what I have to do_

Nick was surprised when Greg turned his head and locked eyes with Nick in the middle of one word and the next. The room dropped away, and it felt like the blonde was singing just to him. Just for him.

_'__Cause I don't know who I am, who I am without you  
All I know is that I should  
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you  
All I know is that I should  
'Cause she will love you more than I could  
She who dares to stand where I stood  
Oh, she who dares to stand where I stood_

A second drink from the glass of water, and Greg stood up to bow slightly to the light applause. Then without a backwards glance, as if he hadn't just sang his last goodbye's, he stepped behind the curtain. At the same time, the maitre d' stepped out on to the dais and started talking. He might have been thanking Greg and encouraging the crown to come back for the next performance tomorrow. Or he might have been talking about the moon and it's effects on the life cycles of the earthworm. Nick wasn't paying any attention what so ever. He was busy dying in his chair from lack of intake of air.

Nancy waved her hand in his face and he blinked wildly to find that she had been trying to get his attention for the last couple minutes. Had that much time passed? Actually, had it only been that long? It was like seconds were juxtaposed with eternity, existing at the same time, bleeding in to one another. Nick tried to shake it off, but he just couldn't bring himself to respond more than to nod distractedly. Nancy didn't notice his state. She just beamed widely and leaned in towards him. When had she turned back to face him instead of the stage?

"I told he was good, didn't I?" she declared. Nick could only nod again. She said something else that he didn't pay attention to, then he asked if she would like to head out now. If she felt that it was weird that they were leaving after a very short time, she said nothing. Actually, she seemed pretty happy to leave. She bounced out of her seat and followed the steady pace that Nick set, heading straight towards his truck. He opened the door for her in an effort to get her in faster, knowing that she would probably want to stand there and talk before getting in. Women always did, for some reason. Like he had expected she tried to strike up a conversation as soon as he had gotten in and shut his own door. He got away with nods as he threw the vehicle in to gear and hurried out of the lot.

If asked, Nick would freely admit that he was deliberately speeding the whole way back to the residential areas of Vegas. Nancy lived a good twenty minutes past his own house, but he managed to cut the time to about thirteen minutes. He was watching the clock closely. Manners dictated that he walk her to her front door, and when she leaned up to kiss him goodnight, he reflexively pulled back, Greg on his mind. The look of hurt in her eyes reminded him so much of all the hurt he had caused someone else that suddenly he found his bridges breaking down, and the whole story spilled out. Nancy suddenly found herself swimming in everything that Nick had kept a secret. He told her of their relationship and of the reason they broke up. He told her why he had finally agreed to go out with her, and he told her what Greg's songs had made him realize.

He wanted Greg back. And he wanted to do things right this time.

Nancy was still standing there with her jaw somewhere along the ground when he turned on his heel and fled, at the moment totally unconcerned with what she thought of him. If she thought he was a bad person that was just fine, because he shared that opinion right now. A good person didn't force the one they loved to repress a part of their self. A good person tried to see views other than their own. Right now, he was not a good person, but in moments he was on his way to fixing that. His truck roared as he flashed down her road and away in to the night. He didn't really have a plan, and he didn't even have anything to say, but he did have a destination in mind.

When he pulled on to the street he wanted, he was another fifteen minutes from home in the other direction. Greg's car was thankfully in his driveway, proclaiming that he was already home from his gig at the restaurant. Nick expelled a huge sigh of relief as he parked on the curve and literally ran up to the front door. When he got there he had to stop, run a hand through his hair, and straighten his shirt. Then he knocked loudly and rapidly. No sound came from within and he feared that his ex might have gone right to bed. He knocked again and waited impatiently. He had just raised his hand to knock again when the door opened slowly and Greg stood there and Nick took in his appearance for the first time that night. The blonde was wearing a sharp black suit and black tie overtop a dark red dress shirt. He looked amazing, but he also looked shocked and wary.

"What are you doing here?" Nick treasured the sound of his voice, even if it was a little bit hostile. Underneath the anger and the hurt he could hear the familiar warmth that meant that Greg indeed had not given up on his feelings. He almost grinned, but frowned instead.

"Greg, I don't really know what to say. I…I was wrong I guess. I want to try again. I miss you so much Greg and I hope that you'll take me back so I can fix everything that I did wrong." He held his breath. While he hadn't been sure of what he wanted to say, hadn't been sure how he wanted to go about this, that seemed to be good enough. It was heartfelt at least, and honest. He didn't expect Greg to sigh and look away.

"Nick…you know that there was only ever one thing that I wanted, and it's the one thing you can't give me. You know that we'll never work unless you can tell people about us." His voice was soft and sad, and Nick's heart almost shattered in to a million pieces. He held on to the vestiges of his sanity and tried again to make the man he loved see that everything could finally be ok now.

"Greg I'm ready to do that, I can-" he got no further, though, because Greg cut him off sharply, his voice guarded to mask the pain that he was obviously going through.

"You said it yourself Nick: you'll never be ready for that. Why should I believe you now? Just…" Greg sighed and looked back, and Nick could see the tears standing in his shining eyes. "Just go Nick. You left once, I'm sure you can manage to do it again." His words cut in to the Texan sharply, even more so than the door that slowly closed and gently clicked shut. He stood there for what felt like forever, just staring at the painted wood and wondering how it could have possibly turned out like that. How was he supposed to make everything better when Greg wouldn't even let him try?

He pulled his thoughts up short. It wasn't Greg's responsibility to _let_ him do anything. This was his responsibility to just do it, to fight for something that he had carelessly let go of. It was time to show the world what he really held inside. And even as he turned away to head back down to his truck, he knew just how he was going to do it. If Greg could make him see sense through music, why couldn't he do the same? And not only would he show Greg, he would show the whole damn team, all at once. Nick settled in to his truck and drove exactly twenty-eight minutes to the destination he sought out. When the door was answered he had to talk fast to gain entry to the home, but this was the only person that could help him now.

A few days later, he found himself pulling in to a familiar parking lot, familiar though he had only been here once. It was a place that was already burnt in to his memory with stark clarity, a place he would never forget for the rest of his life. It was a place that would change his life and the lives of others. It was, admittedly, just a posh gay-friendly restaurant, but to him it was the gateway to a whole new universe. Behind him other cars pulled in and he stepped out to meet up with the team of CSIs that he worked with, all of them joining together close to the awning covered entranceway. He smiled at his friends, avoiding Greg's dark and painful eyes for the moment being. Grissom led the way inside, and the maitre d' of the restaurant personally showed them to their table only one row back away from the stage. The piano was still there, though the spotlight wasn't on it. The man winked at Nick, and the Texan gave him a confident nod.

Nick waited impatiently while the team ordered, and when it came to his turn he just pointed at the menu randomly, not really caring what food was brought to him. He wasn't going to eat it anyway; his stomach was too tight to hold anything but a meager sip of water at the moment. His throat was dry and his tongue was sticking to the roof of his mouth, but he knew he could do this. Knew that he _had_ to do this if he ever wanted to see Greg smile that special smile again. He closed his eyes briefly as the conversation flowed around him, preparing himself for what he was about to do. Essentially he was about to go do everything he had always sworn not to. He was about to spill all of his secrets for not only his friends but for total strangers. Nick took a deep breath, telling himself that he had this.

"All right Gil, you've been secretive about this all week, why are we here?" Catherine's voice opened his eyes, but she wasn't looking at him. Her suspicious gaze was trained on their boss, who sat a few seats down from Nick. They'd had to pull two tables next to each other to fit them all in together, but the staff hadn't seemed to mind. Grissom shrugged and took his glasses off, settling them on the top of his head.

"This isn't my thing Catherine," he admitted. "It was Nicky who insisted that we come here, and he hasn't told me why." Five pairs of eyes landed on him, all of them suspicious, but one more so than the others. He forced himself not to flinch, and he was saved from ruining his own plans by the appearance of the maitre d' at his right side. The man had graying hair, and it matched the dark gray suit that he was dressed in. He put a hand on Nick's shoulder and smiled down at him.

"Mr. Stokes, if you would come with me." It was vague and could be for anything from being kicked out of the restaurant to receiving a phone call. Nick was sure that even Greg didn't know what was going on, although it might have been obvious at that point. He just nodded calmly and ignored his friends as he stood and followed the man over to the dais. Out of the spot light, Nancy was visible sitting ready at the piano. She gave a smug little wave to Greg, then reached out and shook hand with Nick, who felt steadied by how ready she was for this. She had confidence in his plan, and it gave his confidence.

"Ladies and gentlemen if I could interrupt your meals for a few minutes, we have a rather special short performance for you tonight." The maitre d' put his hand on Nick's shoulder again, and the Texan felt his back straightening on its own accord. "We have a man here with a special message for someone he loves." He smiled, and the CSIs at the table all watched in bemused wonder as Nick took the microphone from him. Nick stood in the spotlight with many pairs of eyes on him, but suddenly he could see only one pair, the pair he had missed so much. He cleared his throat.

"Greg I can't sing as well as you can," he confessed easily. "But my words are just as true as yours. I still love you, baby." He didn't give his friends time enough to gasp at that statement, because Nancy started up the piano behind him, and he started to sing the song that he felt was perfect for just this occasion.

_It's easy sometimes  
To walk out of line  
It's harder to get back what you lost  
I know you're sad  
'Cause you know what we had  
Give me a chance to pay the cost  
I'll do what I have to  
I'll bear the cross_

_Tell me all the ways I made you feel mixed up inside  
Tell me all the times I broke your heart and made you cry  
Tell me that you hate me tell me that I ruined your life  
But please don't tell me good bye  
Tell me goodbye_

Followed by the spotlight, Nick made his way towards Greg, step by step. The eyes of the entire restaurant followed him.

_I've been confused  
Nearly thought I could lose  
I was hiding my feelings under my sleeve  
Can you try to forget  
Every thing I regret  
I'm just a fool down on my knees_

Just as he came to stand right in front of the man that he loved, shocked beyond belief, he fell to his knees and sang up to him from the floor.

_Say what you want  
But just don't leave  
Just don't leave_

_Tell me all the ways I made you feel mixed up inside  
Tell me all the times I broke your heart and made you cry  
Tell me that you hate me tell me that I ruined your life  
But please don't tell me good bye  
Tell me goodbye_

Nick reached out a gentle hand and ran it down Greg's soft cheek, trying to communicate just how much he had missed him, and how he was even more sorry than any song could possibly say.

_Oh, I don't want to live in a world without you baby  
And I'll do anything that it takes to save our love this time  
Tell me what I've got to do  
'Cause I've got everything to lose_

Boldly he reached out and took Greg by the hand, standing up and pulling the younger man up to stand with him. They stood in front of all their friends and in front of people they had never met before in their lives, and Nick kept singing like his whole life was riding on this song. Really, in a way, it was.

_Tell me all the ways I made you feel mixed up inside  
Tell me all the times I broke your heart and made you cry  
Tell me that you hate me tell me that I ruined your life, oh  
Tell me that it feels like I stabbed you in the back with a knife  
Tell me you'll forgive me  
Tell me how to make it right  
But please don't tell me goodbye  
Don't tell me goodbye  
Don't tell me goodbye  
Goodbye_

The last notes had barely faded in to the air when a single tear escaped Greg's eyes, at the same time that the blonde threw himself bodily forward, his lips connecting with Nick's with so much relief that it was almost palpable in the air. It lasted for so long they were both seeing spots when they pulled apart. Their eyes met, and in that one glance they could both see forever and forgiveness. Nick ran a hand down Greg's cheek again, softly, barely a whisper of skin on skin. He was about to say something, but then he noticed a loud noise, and he blinked and looked around.

Total strangers were applauding them. They were whistling, cheering, clapping, happy that they had found their happy ending in each other, and not one of them judging their life choices. Nick looked down at the people he worked with, and found that, although they appeared shell-shocked, not one of them were disgusted or angry. He looked back to Greg and smiled. He had said everything he needed to say for now. Later there would be more words, but that was later. For now he was content to stare in to the eyes of Greg Sanders and fill himself up with the knowledge that he had set right his every wrong, just by singing a simple song.

* * *

In order, the song that I used were:  
Is This Never Again - The Midway State  
A Little Too Not Over You - David Archuleta  
They Weren't There - Missy Higgins  
Where I Stood - Missy Higgins  
Don't Tell Me Goodbye - Suzie McNeil  
I recommend all of these songs! It takes a bit of imagination to picture the first two set to only piano though. :)


End file.
